Breathe Baby Breathe

By Coach Taylor

CGA leadership Kevin W and Danny A recently invited me to speak to incarcerated men who had participated in a reentry program which included GOGI tools.  I arrived to the facility on the day of the group’s graduation.  I was inspired by the men’s dedication to self improvement.  I was motivated by their direct questions on making positive decisions and living a powerful life.
After the graduation ceremony a lecture was opened to any individual wishing to attend.  Despite the fact that this GOGI lecture was at the same time as basketball playoffs, we still had a nearly filled chapel of men actively working on improving their lives.
My short lecture on the simple ways of making positive choices was followed by a question and answer period.  Seated in the front row was a young man in his early 20’s who asked how to get rid of having a bad temper and uncontrolled anger.
This question comes up a lot in my discussion with inmates.  Some assume anger is a result of their situation; a result of being in prison.  I believe that being in prison is more often than not a result of their anger.  And, I believe if the individual had known how to successfully process their emotions and their reactions through proper breathing techniques, it is likely they would not have addiction problems or be in prison.
The young man who asked that question, I later learned, had been given a life sentence when he was a seventeen years old boy.  Anger and rage had driven him to actions which resulted in a life sentence. What can you tell a young man about letting go of anger when his entire life will be spent as property of the State?  His life’s course was altered by the decisions made as a child under the influence of drugs, alcohol and gang affiliation.
The day after the lecture the young man wrote the GOGI offices asking for  additional guidance on the subjects discussed in the workshop. I will write a personal letter to this boy but I suspected as I read his letter that of the 2.3 million incarcerated individuals in the United States, there is a lot of anger which is not being dealt with optimally.  The young man’s question during the workshop represents the pain and struggle of many individuals, in prison or not.
Here are some things you can do, ways you can think about life and living which will prove to free you from anger and let you create an opportunity for internal freedom.

One Thing at a Time
I have never met individuals who can be angry and breathe properly at the same time.  It seems as if the only way to be angry is to shut off good breathing.  I have never seen a person take a deep breath before they hauled off and hit someone.  I know they take a drink.  I know they take a hit.  But I have never heard of anyone breathing properly before they become violent. It is almost as if it is physiologically impossible to be in a state of anger and breathing with your entire body getting oxygen at the same time.
Oxygen to the entire body may be the single most powerful relaxant your body has available at any time, any day, any where.  When you get oxygen to the entire body your body will automatically relax.  If you want to eliminate anger you must first learn how to breathe.

What is Breathing?
Breathing is the body’s automatic process of getting oxygen into the bloodstream.  Breathing is not just filling up the lungs, it is getting oxygen to every cell of the body by way of the lungs.  Blood flows throughout your body, all the way to your fingers and toes.  When we usually think of breathing, however, we think of getting air into the lungs or filling up the chest area.  The first thing you can do to start breathing properly is think about breathing for what it really is….. getting oxygen to the entire body.
Your entire body needs oxygen.  If your entire body in involved in the breathing process.  Every cell of your body is relying on your ability to get breath to oxygenate the body properly.  Simply put, your entire body must breath.  Your toes need oxygen.  Your fingers need oxygen.  When you let your fingers and toes get oxygen it is difficult to be angry.

Baby Breathing
Unless you were born addicted to drugs because your mother was an addict when you were born then it is likely you knew how to breathe properly. When you were a tiny little baby your body knew, instinctually, how to relax. Little babies breathe with their entire body, the entire body expanding and contracting with every breath.  The baby’s belly will rise and fall; it’s precious little hands and feet effortlessly being nourished with fresh oxygen.  When you were born you knew how to breathe.
Then, at some point, the baby hears yelling or is startled. Or the baby watches mom breathe poorly and starts to breathe like mom breathes. Or a sibling will roughhouse the baby and the baby gets frightened.  Or the baby is abused, beaten or maltreated and good breathing is all but non existent.  When the baby is startled or scared it responds naturally to fear.  The body shuts down good breathing for a little while so that energy can be put into survival.  If the baby is fearful over a period of time, the baby forgets how to breathe naturally and a new habit is formed.  Shallow and ineffective breathing take over.
When this little person enters school they do not know how to breathe properly because their body has developed a new habit.  They can not relax. They can not think too clearly, get restless, can’t focus, get angry. They get into trouble.  They are not able to relearn how to breathe.  The teacher starts to complain about their behavior.
As a teen, the individual still can’t seem to relax so they smoke their first cigarette or take their first drink.  They buy into the lie that it helps them relax.  In truth, they are just numbing themselves. At that first drag, at that first sip they enter the cycle of really not learning how to breathe, and they are headed toward bad behavior resulting from their bad choices.
Drugs and alcohol are liars.  They don’t relax anyone, they numb.  Being numb is not being relaxed.  When you are numb you can commit crimes because you do not feel like normal humans feel, understanding the pain you may inflict on others.  When you are numb it does not matter what you do, you are in an empty cycle of trying to feel better.

Internal Anger
Meanwhile, while all these bad choices are being made, there is an internal anger brewing; anger about just about everything.  It’s like a free floating anger which pops up at odd times and sometimes for no reason.  With this internal anger there is hostility toward systems, rules, regulations, protocol, order, cleanliness, goodness, peace, forgiveness, and true leadership born of positive human values.  This anger paralyzes, restricts, constricts, shackles and four-points the individual into a life of prison.  This internal anger oftentimes results in bursts of physical actions justified as “punishment” or “retaliation” or “even the score” or “payback” or “saving face.”   In truth, these physical actions are little more than the inability to adequately and maturely handle feelings of anger.

Drugs Make it Easy
Drugs and alcohol make it easy to justify violence and anger because it numbs the individual.  So many (estimates are as high as eighty percent) of our nation’s prisoners are addicted to drugs and alcohol.  Likely this addiction started out as the only way to “relax.”  Quickly, however, the individual abdicated their right to ever relax, turning their body over to the destructive forces of drugs and anger.
When the person tries to remain drug and alcohol free they are overwhelmingly sad, depressed and angry.  They can’t get past this feeling so they run to the bottle once again, never really getting past the process of developing new tools to handle life’s challenges.
Drugs make it easy to throw your life away.

Breathe Baby Breathe
What is my advice to the young man who may be spending the next 70 years behind bars?  Breathe, Baby, Breathe.  Breathe like a baby every minute of the day.  Let the body do what the body does best, breathe.  The young man has many powerful years of self reflection and service ahead of him.  He can take classes which promote healthy bodies and then become a scholar, teaching new prisoners the power of good breathing.  He can master his breath and become a spokesman and statesman among his peers, promoting the development of powerful and positive coping tools for all inmates.  He can read a thousand books and eventually write his own book on breathing.
What is amazing about life is that our weakest link can become our greatest strength.  When I looked at his eager and childlike face as he asked the question from the front row of the audience, I did not see a young man who was bad or vicious, regardless of actions of his past.  What I saw was a young man who never learned how to process the natural emotions felt by all individuals.  As I said to him that day, he was “over cooked and ready for change.” I saw a young man who never learned to breathe.  I saw a world of possibilities in his life.  Leadership, expertise, teaching are all in his future. To him and to every incarcerated individual (in prison or not)  I say….. Eliminate your anger….Breathe, Baby, Breathe!